Pleasures that are convicted

Man’s greatest strength is his conviction. In the opening court-room scene of The Shawshank Redemption when Andy Dufresne knows he can’t defend himself against the crime he never committed, he looks unusually resigned to the fate, no theatrics but a perplexed expression in anticipation of the things ahead. He is pronounced guilty and sent to the dreaded prison. But what the entire screenplay and a character of professional banker belies till the end is his conviction which never forsook him. This conviction stands out more because it wasn’t born out of his suffering in the prison over years but it entered with him in the prison in the first place and was hidden well beneath the veil of a character, tailored to invoke nothing but pity from the audience. Other felons felt frustrated and angry, yelled and fought but did nothing quite something like he did. He knew twenty years is long time but his conviction made him work day in and day out. During the movie, we sympathized with him but at the end I only had admiration for the guy, nothing else. Nietzsche said "A very popular error: having the courage of one's convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack on one's convictions." So be it. Either way, he was so convinced of his innocence that he didn’t hesitate in attacking everybody else’s conviction, including the inmates who often use to joke that everybody there was innocent. What made him even more dangerous was a sharp analytical brain, bereft of any raw power that could channelize his frustration into wastefulness. Like a blind man who develops a knack for sensing smallest of movements through his sixth sense having been devoid of vision which is often so distracting. And who could have thought that Andy would screw the lives of Warden and Captain, who signified unchecked power, in one stroke.
Terrorist groups long realized that nothing can terrorize people more than a man of unswerving conviction, so staunch in his beliefs that he can make his life dispensable. There is hardly any strategy or shield against suicide bombing and no wonder it has become preferred weapon of terror. How will you defend yourself against somebody, however impoverished and weak, is bent upon blowing himself up for his convictions? And it hurts more if we perceive that our possessions are more valuable, made more so by the quality of life. The divide is getting wider and the fraction at a considerable disadvantage is using the biggest weapon at its disposal in this struggle.
But I hate it all the same. Life would be so cool without any convictions but we are so hopelessly emotional. Need strong feelings, beliefs and what not. Just imagine indulging in sensory pleasures at all times without any emotional baggage to go with. Driven by drive, not by a sense of obligation. Let it fade away if it must. We were never meant to be so opinionated but we have made ourselves miserable. Our nature is to seek pleasure at all times and the sensory pleasures, that decouple the senses from convictions, are most addictive ones. Lord Henry’s philosophy of unremitting pleasure seeking in The Picture Of Dorian Gray however poisonous are seductive. Dorian Gray does adopt this philosophy of hedonism with no regard for conventional morality but his end is brought about by his conscience that is finally appalled at the collective sum of his “crimes”. A crime such as, shallow love for Sibyl Vane that he must remain committed to. Mixing Lord Henry’s philosophy with a regard for established conventions is a dangerous thing and a vain youth has only himself to blame for his downfall. Only if he had pledged his conscience too, with his soul!

Pleasures are meant to be guiltless, only if seen though the lens of morality some of them look vile. And only if the morality was synonymous with usefulness in social order. But the problem is, it is not. Some of the moral codes, though not useful, can’t be jettisoned and they are the critical ones. A newly found source of pleasure must not put one of these moral notions to test because then convictions find a way to play a role and Lord Henry recedes in the background. I find it distasteful. It should be smooth and non-conflicting. Should be adopted almost undetected. Every aspect of pleasure should be unobtrusive, including acceptance. But it is the retrospection that is harmful, esp. for hedonists. Its one way alley, otherwise a life of repentance. To go down this road you must be convinced that you will not do a Dorian Gray, soul searching to discover that you find your lifetime of indulgence morally offensive. This can prove to be fatal.