For the naked spirit

How do I look at myself when I am most disillusioned? A person on a blue-green planet whose clock is ticking. I stand outside in the sun and picture myself from high above, someone else in his moment of calm. He just realized that time is passing but he doesn’t feel seasoned from inside. Only other inmates have left any impression on him, not the house itself. And it is the house that is most enigmatic, picturesque and eternal. He spends more time untangling the web, not being unmindful of it. If he only looks outside when others are sleeping, he will know how badly he needs to immerse himself in it. Only one of the few things that will amuse and enrich him both.

In the most recent copy of TIME, third generation of Psychologists suggest that it helps to watch your thoughts (esp. ones you don’t like) like leaves floating down a stream. They call this process of putting a little distance between you and your thoughts, “disidentification”. A revolutionary and not to mention a controversial idea. An earlier generation questions this therapy, probably because some people might be pushed to the edge as an observer while not doing something to fight them. But you are fighting them, by not letting them affect you even though they are your own thoughts. And then you also get the chance to look around and put things in perspective.

So many types of excitements and celebrations I have only got the chance to see and hear about but not to experience them. How does it feel to bungee jump or dive deep into see, para skydiving or being in samba carnival in Brazil? What attraction a European countryside holds? Tasting all the cuisines in the world, learning to appreciate different cultures and their music, trying to interpret what their century old wisdoms mean. Different faiths and their non-believers, suppliants and rebels. I want to sample them, all of them. And here I’m, trying to choose the path I think will make my parents and teachers proud, out of many served on a platter. And I judge people, not knowing it may be one of them who knows the meaning of life. It shows how close I’m to….myself, almost a slave of it. In Agantuk, Manmohan sought to refine his art studies, only to realize innate beauty in primitive cave paintings and in the process discovering that essence of humanity resided in the customs of ancient tribes. Do you know about Bode Miller? Alpine Skiing champion and Olympic gold medalist. He is having fun, while wining…and sometimes not finishing the race. He has taught himself how to enjoy the game and has risen above the result. Once he discovered how to modify his gear to take a faster turn and told the whole world this secret. His philosophy: he wants everyone to enjoy the game better, including his opponents and he would have seemed more concerned with winning had he not made the formula public. If you judge how successful Bode Miller has been, based on how many medals he won and how many races he finished, you will never know how fulfilling career he had.

I am born to experience, so is everyone else. Thousand different things that enthrall us and are all around us, some ever present, some travel with seasons. And all I notice, time and again, is this feeling of déjà vu….in one form or the other. Daily dose of commotion is not helping it either, making it sound like more important voice. I feel pissed at someone who I have never met or talked to, because I’m sick of hearing about him on TV all the time. Not his fault, certainly.

A vast canvass, where there is always a different form and interplay of colors to be discovered by a new admirer, is open before us. From our first attempts to nature’s sophistications. First, geometric shapes intrigued us, now shapelessness. Two definitions of abstract art, ours and everything else that has inspired it. But before I dive into it I must put little more alienness between me and what I perceive myself as. I won’t question or judge but just float. Ready to be manipulated as a guileless observer. And come back every-time with samples…untainted. For I believe, I won’t be busy amassing survival tips. It’s a truly wonderful world and I need to go places.